Bestowed Discharge

Another throat ripping cough fills the hull of Icarus, more blood seeps onto my arm. “Just a few more hours.”

I know V’ll be there. Never thought it’d come so soon. Feels like time lost me in a blackhole, every minute I’ve ever lived burning in it’s horizon as I’m sucked in, to infinity.

“Proxima B… 04:30 Sun-Cusp.” Icarus still buckles in the atmosphere.

Clear skies, ridges’s are as beautiful as ever. The Nite trees grew, their purple branches are almost covering our rock wall. River’s still wet, that’s a good sign. “C’mon, steady.” Steering stick’s been shaking too much lately. At least my landing repairs are holding.

The cargo doors creak open. “Hghurk” Dry air fills what’s left of my lungs, and the smell of kerosene steams off the RP-1 rockets. Little Venus, still living in my heart.

“Not that one!” My cigarette flew when I stood up.

She turned around shaking, barely taller then the red can leaking on the ground. Poor girl hated loud noises. “But, I thought you’d said it was the fourth to the left?” Her green eyes watered a lot back then. She always mixed up her hands.

Left leg still can’t adjust automatically, damned scalpers. It’s getting harder to stand, harder to walk. Suns are still high, only two moons in the sky. I’ve got a few hours. “Let’s see,” the bench creaks under me. “Where’s the torque key?” Tools could use a new space, metal box drives me crazy. Tighten the joints, re-adjust the weight sensor, “there we go.”

The engines sizzle ‘bonk, bonk,’ as the air escape blows open ‘phtink.’ I duck under the bench and laugh. Even with the bug I never get use to gun shots, hurts like a bitch. I wish you were here Diana, you were fearless… Venus, I’m sorry about your ma. She’d be proud, you’re just like she was. I wonder if, “stupid thing, c’mon—” ‘tonk, phtink, tonk—’ “there we go.”

“Hmm,” Hal’s eyes are taking longer to light, “good morning.”

He unfolds slower too, maybe I’m just leaving her old junk instead of a good life.

“Veeeeeeep.”

His systems look good. “Still squeaky…” I swear I oiled his wheels.

“Veeeeeeep— 01011001 01100101 01110011.”

“It’s time big guy. Lead the way.” At least he can roll off the ramp.

These red skies are still as beautiful as last time. Lets see— no— wrong pocket— there we go, huh, hole’s jammed again. Stupid pocket lint, always stuffing up the harmonica. I should get a case for it. Well, I should’ve gotten one— what’s it been now, forty, fifty years since the bug— either way, damn mutation can’t solve this. “That’s the spot Hal, catch a fish would you?” The orange grass is as tall as ever this year. “Hrhk,” more blood.

“Daddy… Why am I gonna have to be the one? Can’t it be someone else? Please—” I think that was the biggest lake she’d cried since her ma died.

“I wish it could be… But, you’ll have to be strong. For both of us, and your ma.” My little Venus, all grown up. “Now stop your tears baby girl, you’ll wake the deer.” I brushed the drops from her cheeks. She smiled, nodded, aimed, and shot. She was a quick learner. After my left eye got stabbed out by a drunk martian she did all the scouting. It came naturally when she learned her lefts and rights, only took twelve years and an injury for her to wake up.

“Still nothing on the lines Hal?” He’s shaking his head like V taught him. The Nite trees are opening their branches, just an hour left. Let’s see, it’s been a while but I think I remember those old songs. Stupid throats jammed again.

“Oh my God dad, I love it, I love it, I love it! Where did you find this patch? It's gotta be like two thousand years old.” She held that denim jacket like a Corvid priest holds a candle.

“I picked it off some Earth bounty near Jupiter, before you were born.” Mettoprod was a damn good band.

“How’d you know I’d love ‘em so much?”

“I had no idea you would. Now, why don't you try it on, see if it fits.”

It was made for her, my last minute adjustments helped a little. “It’s perfect daddy, thank you—” She jumped into my arms, knocking me off my foot. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” We laughed together, looking at the prosthetic beside us.

“I’m all good. Happy birthday, V.” I’ve never seen her without that denim jacket. I don’t think she’s ever washed it.

“Still no fish?” I hope the river hasn’t run dry in the last three years. Maybe— damn leg, hurts to stand— I should’ve been looking for a better home instead of stacking up bounty chips for her. “C’mon, let’s transfer the ship. It’s the least we can do. Don’t want her chopping an arm off, or taking my good eye."

“Veeeeeeep— 01011001 01100101 01110011.”

“That a lad.” I don’t remember Nite trees blooming this bright. Maybe the river isn’t dead after all, just landed in the wrong season. I’m gonna miss the beauty, even the ugliness has it’s charm.

Five moons now, almost time. “Icarus: start ship control transfer.”

“Authentication required.”

“You think you’d recognize my voice by now.”

“Authentication required.”

“I know, I know…” Damn leg isn’t as fast as it use to be. “Part of me wishes I installed that AI module a few years back. Wouldn’t that’ve been nice, Hal?”

“Veeeeeeep— 01011001 01100101 01110011.”

“Yeah, you could use a new SCM as well.” Stupid ocular scanner’s jammed again, ‘phtonk,’ there we go.

“Authorization accepted: Hello, ‘Otis,’ please specify command request.”

“Transfer pilot.”

“Please say, new, pilot’s identification.”

“Venus.”

“Please produce DNA key for, ‘Venus.’”

“Override DNA key, use facial recognition for temporary key.”

“Beginning override procedure… …”

“I wish it wasn’t time… Don’t you Hal?” This is the last time I’ll smell the ship.

“Veeeeeee—”

“Don’t bother, I know what you’ll say.”

“Override accepted: Provide valid facial data for temporary key.”

“Internal recognition procedure: Search/ video storage: nine - two four - three seven one nine: Compile reconstruction of all faces on board.”

“Two separate entities detected. Please select: Person one, Person two.”

“Person two—” she should look the same, a bit older, but faces never change much—“rename to Venus.”

“Pilot transfer complete: ‘Venus’ added to data storage recognition.”

“Thanks, Icarus. You’ve been a hell of a ship. Power: off.” The last time I’ll touch the console, last time I’ll see the ship.

“Goodbye: ‘Otis.’ Power: off.”

The last sun is setting, I better go. “Thanks for the help Hal. Take care of Venus. Maybe she’ll give you that upgrade I neglected.”

“Veeeeeeep— 00111100 00110011” Funny, his binary isn’t annoying anymore.

This is it, my final walk off the ship. At least the hull isn’t rusting. I feel like I’m forgetting something— “Sorry Hal, wait for Venus. Show her the memory transfer desk—” My body’s melting again, “Hghrakh,” black blood, piece of lung.

“Why can’t I go with you?”

“I want you to live a good life V, you don’t want to kill just to get by.”

“I kill here, everyday.” You were already a smart-ass, a fighter. Maybe I should’ve brought you with me.

“I’ll be back in three years— pass me the food sac would you—with all the money you’ll need.”

“I just… I want more time with you. I need you, I don’t care about the money. Why do you have to die?” She’d gotten good at hiding her tears.

“Because of my lungs, V. They’re not getting better. I may be un-killable, but, cancer’s a bitch. It’s gonna spread while my body repairs, and one day I’ll wake up with it everywhere. I’ll be dying every second and coming back to life.” I use to smoke a lot back then, good tobacco too, not the Earth poison they sell at the gas bars. “I taught you everything I know V, you’ll be okay.” I think this was the last time I saw her. “You remember the plan?”

“Yeah… At sun down. Near Icarus. Northeast quarter of the forest. Just after sunset… I—You’ll just see me anyways.” She forced her smile better then ever.

“You’ve got three years left, surprise me.” I think that’s the last kiss I gave her. “Tell you what, I’ll play you a song before I go. Which one d’you want?”

“Desolation Row, seems fitting…” She squeezed her rifle strap like it was my hand. “Thank you daddy, for everything. I love you.”

“I love you too, V.” I wiped a tear from her left eye.

My hand’s glowing with my tears as the Nite trees light the plateau. I wonder if she still cries for me. I kept my promise Diana, she’s ready. I wish I could hold her again, just one more hug. Stupid, “urkh,” cough, my lungs are burning. I’ve died four times since I got here. Can’t even make it a whole day anymore. We had good timing, V. Patchouli, she must’ve started. I’m guessing three clicks away, up on that ridge. Feels good to take the leg off, sit down. I hope this makes it easier on you. I’m sorry you’ve gotta do your ma’s promise. I wish there was another way V. Where’s that little bronze telesco—“there it is.”

One knee to the ground, both hands on your rifle. And shit, you’re still wearing that jacket. You’re beautiful, I’m proud I was your father, V.

I wish I could brush your tears off one last time.

Sun’s almost down,

here’s your song.

“End Of Recorded Memory Bank-

Otis/ Proxima B/ 9-24-3722.”